


Shots (Through The Heart)

by fictorium (orphan_account)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Drunk Sex, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, Femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 16:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2780270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/fictorium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Henry weren't a total cockblock who showed up ten shots too early? </p><p>Dialogue only. Plenty of references to Captain Swan and Outlaw Queen, none of them positive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shots (Through The Heart)

**One.**

 

“I didn’t even know Granny’s served tequila.”

 

“You designed the whole town in your head, didn’t you?”

 

“Right. But the tequila seems new.”

 

“Does thinking about where they got the tequila help you forget the tree boy?”

 

“No.”

  
  


**Two.**

 

“It’s not like it’s really good tequila or anything. But it does a job.”

 

“What would you know about good tequila?”

 

“More than you, Miss Single Mom and Uptight Mayor. I mean, I’m willing to bet. Henry says you never drank more than a glass of wine in front of him.”

 

“In front of him being the operative term.”

 

“So you were running a town and raising a kid while living the Coyote Ugly life on the DL? Nah, I’m not buying it.”

 

“Didn’t I once tell you not to underestimate me?”

 

“I don’t think I ever have.”

  
  


**Three.**

 

“Do you think we should mention that Ruby isn’t working here anymore? I don’t know if Granny--”

 

“Leave it.”

 

“You know where she is?”

 

“I know where she wants to be. Anywhere but here. If you’re her friend, shouldn’t you know that too?”

 

“She’s my mom’s friend, really. Well, Red is. Ruby and I… it’s more of a free drinks and gossip kind of deal.”

 

“Talking about boys and braiding each other’s hair?”

 

“Nothing wrong with a good braid. And I’ll pass on the boy talk. It’s bad enough having to date one.”

 

“Why do you do that?”

 

“What?”

 

“Talk about Hook like -- another two, please? -- well, like he’s community service that you can’t wriggle out of. I thought your family were the official agents of True Love?”

  
“Must have skipped a generation.”

 

“Henry doesn’t like him.”

 

“Henry doesn’t like your boyfriend, either.”

 

“So it’s probably just as well I pushed him over a line into oblivion, then. Along with his wife.”

 

“Probably. Uh, can we get a move on with the next round?”

  
  


**Four.**

 

“Thank you, by the way.”

 

“Oh Gods… what now? For making you even happier by sitting next to my misery? For making your hair look blonder because you’re sitting in the good light? What is it, Emma?”

 

“It’s just… you said you pushed Robin. You didn’t do that with me. And I know it’s not the same, I mean, it couldn’t be, right? But you still gave me the choice, even though it meant me taking Henry. You explained and you let me choose it. No pushing. No getting thrown in a wardrobe.”

 

“Necessity.”

 

“Compassion. Or, I don’t know. Being a good person. I think.”

 

“Here it comes. You’re waving down the waitress for another drink so you can sneak that hope speech in. I knew it.”

 

“I think me and you, we know the difference. Between being saved and being pushed into someone else’s plan. You saved me. You saved Robin, or more importantly Marian. It wasn’t some curse or prophecy that you tried to make come true.”

 

“I’ve had it with curses. I think we all have, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah. You want to keep drinking?”

 

“It’s that or think. Which would you pick, if you were me?”

 

“I’ll go pour ‘em myself.”

  
  


**Five.**

 

“Before you arrived, they were talking about your boyfriend. A near-death experience? And yet, here you are.”

 

“He’s a pirate. Or he was. Near-death experiences are his bread and butter. He’ll be fine.”

 

“Again, with the uncomfortable obligation. Why are you doing this to yourself? And exposing all of us to his rum-and-leather stink every other day as part of the bargain? Would it kill you to show him how deodorant works along with cellphones?”

 

“Oh, and living in a tent like a hobo is just so hygienic.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

 

“Then I don’t want to talk about Hook. Let’s focus on Belle kicking Rumple to the curb, hmm? I think we can both enjoy that.”

  
  
“She never sticks to it. The girl has the backbone of a freshwater shrimp.”

 

“You should give her more credit.”

 

“I will, as soon as she shows anything to her but pining after a villain who won’t change.”

 

“I’m sure plenty of people pined after your villainous ass. Heh, pined. That’s pretty funny if you think about pine trees and… okay. Not talking about him.”

 

“Good.”

  
  


**Six.**

 

“Regina?”

 

“No.”

 

“It doesn’t really work when I recognize your voice.”

 

“How are you still walking so straight?”

 

“Practice? Working for you gave me plenty of after-hours trips here to let Ruby drown my sorrows. Oh, not like that.”

 

“It sounded a lot like… that. Do you…”

 

“What? Bang waitresses? I plead the fifth.”

 

“It was the werewolf part that gave me pause. She’s a good-looking girl.”

 

“Are you saying the cure to your broken heart is switching to women? I’ve heard worse ideas.”

 

“Depends on the woman.”

  
  


**Seven.**

 

“You ran out of the bathroom pretty fast.”

 

“You tripped three times getting over here.”

 

“We’d better call the police, have them escort me home.”

 

“I’m all the police you’ve got. Unless you want a hope speech from my dad instead of my mom? I’ll take that shudder as a no.”

 

“Take whatever you like.”

 

“Okay, we’re definitely getting you home.”

 

“That’s okay. I have my own bottle right there in the den.”

  
  


**Eight.**

 

“You don’t think we should stop?”

 

“For a Savior, you’re kind of a wuss.”

 

“That’s it. Doubles.”

  
  


**Ten.**

 

“What happens if y’do magic… uh, drunk?”

 

“Is that why the room is spinning?”

 

“Nope. I mean, not yet anyway. So what happens.”

 

“Try it and find out.”

 

“Oh. I’ll, um, replace that?”

 

“I’ll fix it in the morning.”

 

“Why not now?”

 

“Because if I stop holding on to the floor, I think I might fly off.”

 

“Fair point. Man, I’m starting to get pretty sleepy.”

 

“Just imagine your bed, your magic should do the rest.”

 

[pause. thud. moment of awkward silence.]

 

“I said your bed, Emma. How do you even know what mine looks like?”

 

“I’ve done my share of snooping. It just seemed closer.”

 

“Fine. If you’re so tired, get on with it.”

 

“You’re not kicking me out?”

 

“Not yet. Snore and I’ll reconsider.”

 

“You’re pretty. I mean, pretty nice. Pretty nice.”

 

“No. I’m really not. You were right the first time, though.”

 

“Does it ever bother you that your ego is the size of Maine?”

 

“Not usually.”

 

“So when you said it depends on the woman…?”

 

“If you’re fishing for compliments… well, weren’t you going to sleep?”

 

“‘Wake now.”

 

“You don’t sound it.”

 

“If we’re drinking buddies?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can I have a goodnight kiss?”

 

“I don’t know, can you?”

 

“Always with the damn challenges.”

 

“Miss Swan, it is two in the m--mmm, oh. Oh.”

 

“Does it still depend?”

 

“You qualify, Emma. Is that what you want to hear?”

 

“That and the sound of your dress unzipping, yeah.”

 

“We’re going to regret this in the morning.”

 

“So? And hey, that’s what memory spells are for, right?”

 

“Memory spells are not--mmm, mmmhmmm. Fuck.”

 

“Couldn’t have said it better. Now, let’s see about this dress of yours.”

 

 


End file.
